December 9, 2017 by magicalmothering
How feeling not good enough is ruining your sex life!
Written by Stephanie Mathews
When it comes to our bodies and the amount of pleasure we allow ourselves it is important to remember that the thoughts in our minds are powerful contributors. The most influential thoughts we have though is how we perceive ourselves.
These thoughts have the most influence in our behavior and what we allow ourselves to receive.
Lack of Worthiness
Being Good Enough
Struggle as Normal
Let’s go through each of these thoughts individually to see how they play a role in not only our behavior but also in what we deny ourselves.
Lack of Worthiness
Worthiness is defined as being adequate, deserving or having merit. It is no mistake that we suffer from these persistent thought patterns that we learned in childhood, especially if we grew up in a low to middle class home. These patterns were taught to us to help us get jobs, be great employees and keep in line. The problem is our world is evolving and shifting rapidly into more awareness. This awareness leads us to the understanding that this damaging thought process is no longer relevant, but then what? How are we supposed to shift from a thought pattern that has been passed down by generation and after generation to finally feel worthy?
The solution is surprising but is often overlooked. Healing the root issue is the most effective course of action. Healing of this persistent thought pattern can actually happen so quickly, often in one session and implemented over the course of a couple of months. The shift and transformation happens so quickly that people often continue to look for more and more sources of healing overlooking the fact that this aspect is complete. Then comes to next aspect of healing, which is living out the soul’s calling or finding your purpose. Sometimes people can fall into their purpose then the feelings of unworthiness happen, this was what happened in my case. I was able to make money selling a useful service, but the minute I tied it with my soul’s calling the money stopped coming in and all the worthiness issues came to the surface!
The type of healing is multifaceted. It is not just therapy, bodywork, physic or NLP but actually a combination of all of these aspects that is the most effective. I started out my own journey in traditional psychology, then became certified in massage therapy, then started down a spiritual path towards psychic and energy work, became a coach, and integrated shamanic work. It is a not an single one of these that works, but the combination of all that get the results.
When worthiness issues are healed by going to the root of the issue they stop sabotaging your relationship and your sex life. Can you imagine if you felt worthy of being treated like a queen in your relationship? I promise you it would actually change your entire world!
Thoughts of not being enough can extend into so many facets of life. From not being good enough. Smart Enough. Sexy enough. Tall enough, thin enough, or pretty enough. There is not wealthy enough, healthy enough, or happy enough. The not enough syndrome is pervasive and it is no mistake that the advertising world uses it deliberately. Why? Because it works so perfectly. How many commercials have you seen telling you that once you have this or that product you will finally be enough? Well it might not have been in those words exactly. It is no surprise then that one of the top 10 ten words in advertising is “BEST.” When someone has the best of something they automatically feel worthy and enough. Until the next best thing comes out 10 seconds later!
I created an entire 6 step process to heal the not enoughness syndrome that effects nearly our entire human population. The first 3 steps are as follows:
Step 1: Go within to talk with your inner child who discovered that lack exists in the world. There we will find the deep roots that have grown our lack consciousness.
Step 2: Create the Space to plant new thoughts, beliefs and feelings towards abundance. Allow yourself the freedom to dream, believe that you are allowed a life that feels wealthy and abundant!
Step 3: Find your wild playground. Use nature, wild spaces, to create activities so you are surrounded by abundance instead of always feeling the confined limited perspective of many forms of “entertainment.”
With the use of the full 6 step process my clients eradicate their thought patterns of feeling “not enough.” This is where your sex life really becomes on fire! When the feelings of not being enough are gone, the ability to receive becomes activated.
Struggle as Normal
By definition, struggle is a harsh word; “make forceful or violent efforts to get free of restraint or constriction.”
We are forcing (controlling) our way to get what we want, all the while destroying and sabotaging the very moment that we could be enjoying. This is a very western mindset. Struggle brings hard work, good work ethic and freedom. Or does it? I often see people with the mindset of struggle never knowing when they arrive and continuing to fight until they die. This can be very depressing when you think of it in those terms but it doesn’t have to continue that way for you. Thinking about struggle in the context of our sexual relationship the definition above would be seen as rape. We end up destroying the pleasure when struggle becomes part of the sexual experience. Struggle then destroys the very heart of the person, just like when rape occurs. When struggle is no longer a part the every day thought process pleasure can abound. When pleasure is had, everything is possible. When we create our lives from a place of pleasure our entire bodies become part of the process instead of blocking everything with struggle.
The solution is again simple yet takes practice. Practicing being present. How do you actually practice this? Each time you see yourself controlling, forcing or manipulating life step back and observe.
I ask these simple questions:
What aspects am I pushing right now?
Who else am I hurting to get what I want?
What am I missing out on struggling through this moment?
Often with those 3 questions I can shift my thoughts to seeing all that I was unable to process while actively struggling. When using the questions, observing and seeing the reality of the present isn’t enough, often healing the generational pattern of struggle needs to be addressed. When struggle has been passed down through many generations it becomes a part of us, even if it hurts us. It is more about getting it done rather than enjoying the process. I am reminded of those who pioneered across the mid west in pursuit of freedom and happiness. The struggle to get across those deserted lands, find their way and create a life that they actually could survive for themselves was real. Yet, it didn’t have to be that way in my mind. The Native people’s did not struggle at all. They lived in the present moment with the land, seasons and animals as their guides. Flowing with life and fully aware of how to use the resources around them to thrive. If struggle is a part of your daily life, it is a cho
ice I assure you. It is sometimes as simple as choosing to thrive rather than struggle.
If our thoughts are powerful enough to create our current reality, they are powerful enough to also create the reality we truly desire!
Lacking intimacy, not feeling loved, valued and enough are all aspects that can be healed. My greatest mission is to let this be known so we stop living through the thoughts that the opposite is normal.
Stephanie Mathews is a healer and Wild Woman. She helps women awaken their own Wild Woman and heal intimacy issues. She runs a thriving Facebook group called Wild, Sexy, Magical Women. She wrote and created a planner called Bringing the Wild Within based on her own unique wisdom on bringing in the earth rhythms to help heal and reach goals. Stephanie can be found playing in the forest with her two homeschooled children, while leading retreats and gatherings.