July 6, 2018 by magicalmothering
Money, Boundaries, and Waiting… OH MY!
These past few days have been beyond interesting, to say the least.
We got a text on Tuesday night that said: “You are officially no longer homeowners.” This was such a wonderful feeling. But then we realized that because it was recorded at 5 pm that night, we would also have to wait for our funds to be released. But the next day was July 4th, a national holiday and all business’ are closed. So here we are still waiting, now for the title company to release the funds.
(Thank Goodness we are able to stay at my mom’s and step dad’s house which has a pool for the kids and plenty of space for us!)
No funds. (still waiting)
And on top of that, the oddest thing has been happening.
People are asking for past program recordings or pdf’s (some from more than a year and a half ago) that they didn’t finish paying (they had signed up for payment plans) when they were first in the program and had dropped out of.
If you didn’t know, I am a recovering over-giver and a people pleaser. So in the past, just to avoid confrontation, I used to give people things that they didn’t pay for all the time. Such as extra sessions, workshops, or even access to programs. I didn’t want them to not like me.
Have you ever over given so someone would like you?
Put yourself out to make others more comfortable?
I have done a TON of work on this specifically! This is what I teach, how to be empowered and stand in my own truth without feeling guilty about it.
After letting one of the women know that I would not be giving her access to the program that she made 1 payment towards, she told me that she was going to “expose” me to all of my people on Facebook and tell her side of the story.
In the past, my inner child would have begun freaking out! Trying so hard to make sure that she was happy, and in turn, making myself miserable.
Especially when she said this to me:
“You have said that you want to help women I guess that’s only if they can pay. Best of luck. Please do not respond to this as I do not want mean words. If you do I will show this on Facebook and tell my story. I did not do that.”
One of the biggest things that I have learned through this whole selling my house, exposing my own fears, healing my life, and being on this journey of authenticity and realness, is that I am not interested or willing to take responsibility for other people’s stuff.
I used to live in fear. Thinking that if I charged for my services that people would not like me. The amazing thing is though, is that the women who do the work, get the benefits. Period. It has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them. I can’t do the work for them. I can only offer the healing, space and the resources for them to implement.
The issues that came up were not about money for either of these clients. Each of the women that had asked for the program access had dropped out. They had not been willing to follow through with the program, and now wanted all access to a program that they didn’t finish the first time around and didn’t finish paying off.
Money and boundaries are two huge topics that come up with so many of my clients and myself. I wanted to share this story with you because while I was literally relocating my entire family, leaving what we knew, and starting a new adventure. I still had to run my business, handle accounting issues, and be present for my clients!!
So because of this, I created a little 3 step reminder or process in handling Boundary issues.
(Remember everything is a growth or learning process if we can be present enough to implement it!)
3 Steps to creating boundaries that work
(And make you feel good about yourself instead of guilty!)
- Whenever you are confronted with something that creates big feelings, makes your stomach lurch, or makes you want to run away: take a moment to be fully present to all of it.
- Listen to your Inner child and hear why she is afraid at that moment. (Often issues of not feeling good enough, not feeling heard, or scared that she will end up alone are present)
- Ask your Magical Mother what she would do or say.
When I was confronted with the issue above, I had to go through this exact process.
- My inner child wanted to just make the whole thing disappear.
- So I sat with all the feelings of frustration, annoyance, anger, and betrayal that came up for me.
- When my Magical Mother stepped in she was very calm. She simply had me look at all the facts.
– the 5 PDF’s she wanted would take time to find and send in an email
– she had not paid for the 3 hours of 1-on-1 time nor the 5 lessons, she had already received.
My magical mother showed me that I was not being “mean.” But I was simply honoring my time. Honoring the value of the program. And honouring the other women who did pay for it, put the time in, and complete the program.
Boundaries are a huge issue that causes so much anxiety, fear, guilt, and shame in our lives. I would love to help support you in creating boundaries that make you feel empowered, whole and worthy.
What is a boundary that you are having a hard time in your life?
(reply to this email if you want to share it with me.)
Sending lots of love!!
P.S. Want some help creating boundaries that make you feel amazing instead of guilty in your own life? Let’s Chat about it!!
P.P.S. This picture made my kids laugh so hard that I thought I would share some of the silliness
going on too!!