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My heart has certainly gotten hardened over the years…I used to be much more open and loving. To the point where my heart chakra was overactive! I surrounded myself with other fun-loving hippies in my teens and young adulthood. I had little to no emotional boundaries. My fear of having a softer heart again is to be taken advantage. I fear I can’t trust I will hold boundaries for myself in regards to giving away my love and energy. I pretty much operated without emotional boundaries into my twenties. This resulted in my marrying a person out of what I now realize was simply insecurity who turned out to be abusive. Waaaaaaaaay back in my unconscious I think I believe as a result that my loving can cause abuse, if I’m being honest. This was actually one of the best things that ever happened to me! After my divorce was final I met my husband when neither of us wanted anything to do with marriage again after both being divorced from abusive marriages. However, ironically, going through those periods previously in our lives helped us understand each other. My husband had children from his previous marriage and I did not. The honeymoon phase of being a stepmom was challenging due to circumstances but the kids and I got along really well…really well until I actually became a stepmom not just dad’s girlfriend lol. We had two children together and shared custody of his kids with his ex-wife, who has borderline personality disorder. What she has done psychologically to her children is a crime in my mind! They are simply possessions to her that feed or detract from her own ego and will use them and their belongings as pawns…but I digress. I feel like my step-parenting relationship was doomed due to this. That there was no real chance to have a good relationship with my stepchildren when their mom tells them I worship the devil, am going to hell, am evil…no literally. I poured myself into winning their love and developing a friendship as a stepmom with them. It was met with continued avoidance, resistance, abuse and other types of detachment. I completely understand mentally why they acted this way. My heart on the other hand doesn’t fully agree…I’m still hurt from how they have treated their dad and myself. I know they are “just” kids but it still hurts when older children reject your love.
So now I meditated and my heart was a geode! A rough, chunky lackluster rock on the outside but an amazing crystal inside! Strong yet beautiful in it’s fragility. The continued pressure under the earth created the geode’s crystal over a very long period of time just as the challenges in my life taught me boundaries to love myself at that same time I was loving others!
It feels so nice to have my LOVE open again!!! I have been working on healing heart blockages the last couple years from the grief of my father and father-in-law as well blended family resentment and bitterness. My heart feels like it’s been re-built in a way…stripped down of false sources of love, both from my own work and circumstances, and filled with my own self-love. I’m so less emotionally reactive now. Of course, I still have moments where the instinct reactions kick-in and I lose awareness but they are much less frequent. The roller-coaster stabilized…whewwww
Soooooo…now that I left my corporate job!!! My husband, who has been injured for 3 years, rehabilitated himself and is going back to work!! This means that I can continue to homeschool our kids and work part-time. I estimated I could easily spend 20 hours per week toward healing work. With the amount we need in addition to my husband’s income would work out to be approximately what the going wage here is for relatively entry-level work. I can do whatever I want!!!! This is a first for me…to not have the financial responsibility of providing for the whole family AND the confidence to do what I WANT, not want anyone else wants for me. It feels so good : ) My goal is to reach $65/ hour which I think is quite reasonable and not scary at all. I think that is a good sign ; )
Nothing comes up for me developmentally until adolescence. I was rebellious and experimented…unknowingly reacting to early childhood sexual abuse from a stranger. I’m sure I halted some aspects of natural development during these times. Emotional regulation and stress management are certainly tools I’m still learning and would love more resources on if anyone has recommendations! Also one benefit of getting older…is getting wiser! You gain perspective looking back that seeming failures ended up being blessings : ) It makes it easier to trust this will continue to occur in your life. Steph, what kind of healing activities would be therapeutic to reenact for adolescence?
Solar Plexus Healing…as you know Steph, I have done and continue to do alot of work here. I look back and see that I have come LEAPS and BOUNDS with my worthiness in the last two years of healing this chakra with you! I am now making decisions that embody my worthiness instead of doubt it! That being said, every cord cutting here has so much benefit for me instantly. I am like a ball of wound-up string that is continually unwinding. This healing revealed to me how much I have been “hiding” my authentic self previously in my life. I’ve made so many choices for myself that were based on others…this is especially the case in my professional life! This is much more obvious once I started making decisions aligned with my personal integrity. Now, when something isn’t, it feels more and more obvious. I’m moving forward with my healing work and made a decision to leave my corporate job after I knew about some actions I didn’t agree with morally. Cord-cutting post-that experience was definitely needed!
I found this week so EXTRA helpful for me! I def have some sacral chakras healing to do so I will be going through this emotional work and EFT for addiction several times!!! Maybe I can finally lose the weight I’ve been holding there to protect it all these years…also i feel like this is something that’s extra beneficial for everyone right now given how emotionally reactive society is recently.
I have tried finding my ‘bubble getting burst’ moments in my mind and heart and they are so buried and cluttered I can’t remember specifically, is that ok?
I spent alot of time going through the first 4 weeks before continuing on to the sacral chakra. After going through more than one of Stephanie’s workshops, I realize how very important doing the work there really is!! But moving along with a much safer self…this initiation was a happy welcome uplift!
I have had a pretty healthy sacral chakra in my life but it had been getting a bit stagnant lately. Upon going through the initiation of this chakra, I almost instantly started attracting sexual and sensual experiences to myself again. I am in a healthy marriage so this has been work welcome by my spouse ; ) I did however experience an overactive sacral during my teen years. Is that linked to hormone levels? I really love how society is increasingly embracing healthier attitudes around sexuality! it makes me relieved for younger generations that will have to experiences less of the shame and for women specifically, less harassment and objectification.
whewww, this one is the biggest challenge for me this month. putting myself out there, my authentic self, not the “safe” version. I did it this week! I put out in all my social media accounts that I’m available for astrological and divination readings and wellness coaching! I have issues around lack versus abundance. I’m no longer going to editing myself to be the safe version, to live in integrity with myself! I recently got furloughed for refusing work that went against my ethics. Once again, my integrity is putting us in “unsafe” situation in financial instability but I’m also really proud that I stood up for what I believe was right. Still trying to work out why I’m having to sacrifice my integrity for safety, what lesson is being shown to me around this?
Also, the EFT for this month is perfect for the healing needs I have around these issues!! thank you!!
So I felt the need to go through the first month’s videos, meditations and journaling several times. I have done some of this healing with Stephanie previously and everytime I’m still having new healing opportunities, insights and breakthroughs! This last time going through the timeline therapy i realized that I’ve always been seeking validation from others that the world is safe and self-sabotaging myself by continually seeking out situations that test that belief to prove it’s not safe out there!!! I have done private sessions with Stephanie before where she was able to help me uncover a repressed memory of a male stranger exposing himself and maturbating in front of me in the toy aisle of payless when I was 4 years old while on an errand with my paternal grandmother. This child is my gate keeper. I miss her so very much! I also cried buckets of tears when I was collecting my lights along the timeline-everytime I felt unsafe through my life is alot of lights! I didn’t necessarily feel overly emotional in relation to the experience but just such a large volume of tears came out…
I initially had a difficult time recalling specific memories before 7 years old so I found some photos and looked through them. That really got the memories to start flowing…really good memories, memories so good that I began to feel bitter toward how harsh the rest of the world was to me in comparison. Like it was some evil trick, to be teased with such kindness to then realize it’s not real.I was able to identify several inner children but certainly have a baseline inner child that is 4 years old. I journaled out what I each of the tramas was that created that identity and then identified the chakra associated with those feelings. I then went back to my list later and realized that ultimately they all actually dealt with the Root Chakra!
During the meditation, my heart/chest/stomach area really lit up. The energy was more of a really brightish pink. It pooled up and grew sooooo larger it turned into the same size as the whole planet!!! I then was feeling like I was with Gaia holding her and healing her. I was being a magical mother to the most magical mother, the Earth, Gaia…it was very overwhelming! Thank you for this root chakra initiation
