I awoke with an alarm- realizing that I have been living off of alarms and schedules for the past 10 months. Yet again the masculine pulled me into living in a way that pulled me away from flow, creativity, beauty, and ease. I had pushed and pressured myself to please others and make it easy and comfortable for others rather than myself.
10 months of alerts and demands.
For 10 months my goal- ha ha ha- goal. Ridiculous that even that is a masculine forcing.
My desire was to share my relationship with the divine feminine. Prior to doing the daily Facebook lives and patreon, I was in a deep daily connection of communion with the divine feminine. I was walking with her daily, writing and collaborating. Then I decided to share that through social media. What is social media anyway?? I am seeing it as something that separates me from myself and my divine connection.
I see it as an entity that steals my time. Disguises its thievery with promises of connection and helping others. Yet I have spent these past 10 months wasting countless hours on creating videos, uploading, downloading, and forcing myself into doing the very things that I have learned over the past 7 years that do not work for my lifestyle.
How do I keep stepping into these traps?
I think this time will be different. I will be able to create deep intimate relationships with the women that I have connected all over the country with. But ultimately, I had less time to connect. I had more confines on my time, energy and creativity. I forced myself into a collaboration that wasn’t serving my connection with the very thing that I so desired, which was to create a connection to the divine feminine.
I am not saying this experience was bad by any means. I absolutely love sharing my journey, but it was convoluted with people pleasing and tip toeing around my words as to not upset those that I was speaking with. This is not what serves me.
I am meant to be writing. I know I will be a speaker as well, but not on Facebook lives. I will be a speaker to women in intimate settings in the wild. This experience has taught me that I long for deep intimacy. I no longer am interested in the superficial arguments of this world. I hunger for creativity, ease, grace, beauty, and the wild. I have forsaken the great mother, because of the alarms and schedules that I forced myself to stick to. No one but myself was forcing me to do these things.
I even added weekly gatherings that were not even in association with the moon cycles simply because I am a people pleaser!!
I loved our gathering times, but these once again were added into an experience that I would have charged for my time. I was bleeding hours of my life into this experience and it was taking away from time with my children, creating on my land, and creating the books that I know I am meant to be writing.
Maybe this was my way of distracting myself so that I wouldn’t do the project that is calling to me. Go back to something that doesn’t work so that I can say that I failed yet again, instead of coming to the realization that it was my own fault and I didn’t listen to my own desires and the urgings of my guides.
So I will be writing. I am deleting social media for the time being. I will be deleting alarms and schedules for myself and stepping back into the flow of the divine feminine. I am free yet again.
What constraints, schedules, alarms and actions are you doing that are keeping you from ultimately creating what you are meant to be creating or being?
What aspects of your life are you needing to release?
If you want to continue following the writing, healing, divine feminine journey you can find all the information at https://magicalmothering.
I will be creating a platform on the website to interact with each other in the future as well. But knowing my people pleasing self I have to hold off on that as well. The links to the Magical Mothering Group are available- I love serving others to the point of denying my own needs and desires. What an incredible realization to come to after 10 months!
So I thank you for watching, joining in and being a part of this experience.
I have included the daily planner pages for the remainder of the Sensitizing the Body Lunar Cycle. I will be sharing one more lunar cycle of planner pages, then I will be preparing next years so that I can get the published version out by Spring Equinox of 2024. My goal is the have the Spiral of the Year (daily devotional) and the Spiral of Year daily planner both complete by Spring Equinox of 2024.
Please let me know your thoughts on these planner pages so that I can get feedback. Though ultimately I have learned to listen to my own inner guidance rather than changing my needs for others.