Why am I terrified of the Goddess?

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Welcome to spiral of the year. I am Stephanie Mathews, Herbal Priestess and Magical Mother.

And this is a healing journey through rhythm and ritual to embody and remember Goddess culture.

Now I’ve been in ritual upon waking going and walking each morning, and this, podcast, this episode, episode 3 is brought to you by the divine feminine. The goddess herself.

This is a journey, and I realized that this podcast is going to shift directions a little bit.

I have been teaching and mentoring and and doing healing work for the past 7 years, and I have been very much in my healer space.

I have realized it is now time to give myself back the gift of healing.

We invite you to join me, as I take this journey into remembering and embodying the goddess and goddess culture.

This is quite terrifying for me i’ve been talking to some of my friends this week, and I got the message in my daily walk.

I’ve been taking morning walks upon rising. I just immediately get dressed and head out the door, and just go walk down my county road into nothingness. There’s just, there’s nothing for miles and so as I’ve been doing this.

I’ve really been communing with the goddess, that has been my intention in the walks that I’ve been doing.

That’s been my desire is to really connect and to create space for understanding, for knowing, for being. I’m really getting pulled into this spiral of the year. It came from the daily devotional that I’ve been working on and ever since doing the divine feminine section in the magical mothering method I have had a very strong pull into bringing more of the divine feminine. And for me, when I was first with the goddess, is still something that last year was, I just kept pushing it away when I stepped out of the warrior God, culture of Christianity. I really pushed all religion and dogma and spiritual practices out with it.

I did not want another religion. I did not want another cult.

I did not want another dogma. I did not want all of these things, because and yet sacredness, spirituality connecting with spirit.

I’ve never stopped connecting with spirit. I’ve never stopped connecting with that wisdom voice, that Holy Spirit that I called it while I was a Christian, that wisdom voice.

And then, when I really started working and my business got called, was named Magical mothering.

Then I was able to really identify that I am speaking with the magical mother, that this is that aspect.

But I still resisted the the aspect of the magical mother being goddess, and I don’t. and I now know, I pinpointed the fear which anything that is keeping us stuck is really the fear and

that quote, of we’re not afraid of failing or what we can’t do.

But we’re afraid of how of our greatness.

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
—Marianne Williamson

But this is when I realized my fear and if you’re listening to the audio or the video. This gets me quite emotional, deeply charged level the terror that it has been bringing the past few days is

dissipating as I’m realizing that the terror is from multiple lifetimes. I can remember 6 of them. 6 previous lifetimes, and the deaths that I have occurred or been allotted, And they were distinctly tied in with the goddess.

My first death as a Lemuarian priestess was 23,000 years ago.

At the hands of a man slitting my throat, as I was the embodiment of the great mother in Lemuaria for 300 years.

And so in my energetic, in my soul, I have these rememberings and it’s terrifying to once again be Beckoned, called. Yet, I have a hunger, a yearning to have a sacred connection to the divine and the warrior God, culture, and the warrior God Religion does not feed that hunger, and I think so many of us are hungry for this and not just women.

This is not just a woman thing I think there’s so many of us are hungry for what can only be called the goddess Culture, and I i’ve been playing I mean you can call it goddess, lifestyle.

Then immediately in my brain. It’s like don’t you dare think it’s about decorating and consuming and buying anything, because then you’ve totally missed what goddess lifestyle, and goddess culture is. It’s not the clothing you wear it’s not the way your hair is done.

It’s, not the way your house looks it’s not, I mean if anything, it’s you nude. You know, adorned with these natural elements, and beings around you such as flowers and all that’s living in total

communion, with oneness with nature, and no longer exploiting nature, no longer using nature.

And even I was contemplating this aspect of how we connect with the goddess in a warrior God, culture.

We are his children, and are subjected to whatever emotional violence or trauma, or abuse he would like to give us, on the same hand.

We are also told to obey and to be subordinate to his laws and his ruling.

And so we must then put ourselves in a lowly position, waiting for the guidance or the stepping in of this warrior God to save us. It takes our own self-responsibility.

It takes our own ability to be mature adults responsible for our own thoughts, our own feelings, our own emotions, completely out of our hands, and we give it and turn it over to this warrior God, to who, please God comes save us instead of which is, in fact, the complete annihilation of our own wholeness.

Like the everything, from the medical system to being a reductionist system.

Even science has this. Let me save you. I know all. I study science.

I know science. So I will save you and I’m the only thing that can save you.

Science is the answer, When we look at this warrior God culture, that our entire society, our entire world, is built upon, and that we’ve decimated every goddess culture, and called them savages. In the process which obviously they are not the savages. It’s a mirror right. They’ve only been these these warrior god cultures have been calling everybody else savages because they are the savages.

They are the brutal life-taking life, destroying resource, guzzling, hedonistic, consumeristic, capitalistic, socialistic aspects.

All the political systems are built on this warrior God culture. and it’s so difficult to separate anything from that, because our entire way of being is built upon that, that which it is. And so,

for the next, however long through this spiral of the year, my personal journey. And if you’d like to join me, is this unraveling the warrior God culture, and the allowing of the goddess culture to be welcomed and ushered and invited into this space, and I realized the other day I had a total meltdown breakdown I just started, you know, sobbing and just getting things, just releasing. I was just releasing then when I realized very innately, very intuitively, very clearly, soulfully, that the foundation that I have been building over the past 7 years in my own healing practice and in the healing practice that i’ve been sharing it was built on a warrior, God, culture, Foundation.

And so when when I had that thought and i’m like oh, gosh!

When I had that thought literally, I saw a house of cards fall down and the house of cards tumbled down.

I realized I had built a foundation on something that I didn’t even want I didn’t. I don’t want that foundation.

I do not want the warrior God Culture Foundation and I was so unaware and blinded to this embodiment of the goddess and to go back to that, I was talking to some friends, and I don’t know if I already said this, but when I said just so you know I’m really terrified, I realize that Magical Mothering is the the Goddess gave me the embodiment of the Great Mother in this lifetime.  I’m a physical embodiment of the goddess, if you’re listening through Audio, you can’t see that my eyes are starting to brim up with tears.

It is a radical, radical statement, and when I said this out loud to myself. And I said it out loud to a video to myself, and I said it out loud to my friend, and she went.

Of course, you’re the embodiment of Gaia. You’re the embodiment of Mother Earth, your embodiment of the Goddess. You are that, everybody knows that.

 Maniacal villainous laugh!

I just went. Oh, my God, it’s Oh, my God Oh, my God, it’s like, O M  G. So this is the journey, If you don’t know I’ve had incredible worthiness, Unworthiness issues. If you didn’t know I grew up in the Evangelical Free Christian Church, and went on missions trips.

Monthly down to Mexico to preach the good news of Jesus Christ. 

Starting in elementary school, then middle School and high School. I spent spring break in Mexico, doing missions, trips, and vacation Bibles schools.

I went to a Christian college the first year of college I went to Ukraine twice to live in orphanages and share vacation Bible schools in Ukraine.

This was my foundation, the first 23 years of my life when my dad passed away.

When I was 23 that shattered, that created a chasm.

It really shattered the warrior. God, culture, and religion for me.

still got married in the church and under the church.

Because there were still there. I just didn’t know what to replace it with

I didn’t have a clue as to how to get married outside of the church, and why get married outside of the church?

You know it just didn’t make I still had so much guilt. I still so much shame from the church, and for my upbringing that I got married with the blessing of a pastor in the name of God for

me. It took time, is unraveling I started getting into Rudolph Steiner’s reading and his esoteric practices, which led me to other esoteric practices, and really opening up the mind to the divinity that is all around. And then I read the Ringing Cedar Series, and Anastasia is explained to a T what the goddess culture is, and yet she uses the word God. and so I couldn’t in my war God warrior God culture Foundation could not put goddess into that, and it took me until now, Now to do that, and I went. Oh, my God is this is what Anastasia is talking about.

It’s a goddess culture, it’s a culture based on the goddess, which it does not want our obedience, and that’s the difference.

The goddess does not want us to stop being ourselves.

She actually wants us to step into who we are. She does not want our obedience.

She does not want our prayers. She does not want us kneeling down and not doing for ourselves what she is given us everything to do within us.

That’s the difference. The goddess culture is about beauty and truth and love, and making that which is around us naturally more beautiful, beautifying nature by not destroying it and stealing its resources, but communing and integrating and becoming a part of nature. I’ve been feeling,   Travis and I, we own 22 acres of land in Southeast Missouri, and I’m realizing more and more that this is the land to create that goddess culture in and on and it’s very exciting because i’ve been asking for a year.

Now, what are we doing with this land? And we almost we almost sold it. They couldn’t come up with the money to the people we purchased it with.

So we we were able to come up with the money to buy it for them.

And now that we have it, and I just kept asking, What is this land?

What is this land? How can we create a space, a sacred space of love here?

How can we create sacred space and so now? i’m so excited that this is going to be a land of goddess, culture, and having a temple?

It’s not going to look like a temple it’s going to be a great wild sanctuary in nature and my heart, and there’s so much joy and the terror of this all this realization that i’m an embodiment of the Great Mother of Mother Earth. Mother Nature, I mean, think about the things that we still call Mother. Mother Earth. Mother Nature. These are you know, often the moon, the man in the moon is often said, but it it in direct alignment with women’s, cycles, and the ocean, and water and night times.

So. Sister Moon or Mother Moon. so all of these aspects allow for us to see what Mother is, and what our nature is.

And this is really what the spiral of the year is.

I truly believe that our nature, not our nurture, our nurture, is a warrior God culture.

Our nature is life giving, life affirming, life honoring, goddess culture, and what?

And it is an adventure. This is going to be unraveling this is being awake to what this is, and being alive to experience all of this and unravel this, and it’s interesting in the ringing cedar series, if you haven’t read it. It’s a great series, Anastasia does not share her location, because we live in a god warrior, a warrior God Culture, people go out and try to find her to steal her magic to take her divinity, to use her. That is not the goddess culture.

The Goddess culture, we ask, How can we become more whole?

How can we become more of ourselves? How can we become more in tune with what we are, that we can create more of that for humanity, for the world, for the plants, for the rocks, for the crystals?

For the the the universe. Not let’s destroy this so that we can go to another planet to destroy that. That is such the warrior God culture. and so over. over the spiral Through the spiral exploring goddesses we’re going be exploring the embodiment of goddesses.

We’re going be exploring what goddess culture is we’re going to be exploring rhythm and ritual and reclaiming The goddess and I’ve realize that I have been channeling and being an embodiment of this for the past 7 years at least.

Probably why I got so much in so much trouble as a child, because I could not keep my hands clean.

My hands were always muddy I was head to toe and flowers and potions and grass and stains and leaves, and I was just a connection with the earth, and there’s something so beautiful about remembering that that, that’s my nature, and I truly believe that that’s most of our natures. and if it’s not if you’re comfortable in this warrior God culture more power to you yet that not something that I resonate with

so if you’re ready to step into with me and to Go down this spiral with me of exploring and allowing, realize that the magical mothering method is the tool.

The 13 month Magical mothering method is the tool to help reprogram away from the warrior

God culture, and at least create a way of no longer being a victim, owning your responsibility, gaining control of your emotion, getting your the control of your own mental physical emotion, spiritual bodies back.

So that is what the magical mothering method is. It is a way to create a solid foundation, and it is exactly the way that it is gonna stay that way. It’s perfect that way. I’m going to write a book to those who you know who don’t want to do the videos.

But this is the method, and it’s so funny that it’s called a method, and it’s in like these and it’s so masculine it but it’s beautifully divine masculine it’s beautifully put and It’s such a gentle way to transition out of the warrior God culture mentality, and so with that I welcome you. I invite you.

I’m excited, this is the what is coming through. So I’m owning my embodiment of the Goddess, and I welcome you to play along with me and let’s discover who and what we are together in all of the the terrifying, frightening, exciting, releasing, liberating, emotionally fulfilling nature that we are.

 If you have questions or if you want me to channel certain aspects, or if you’re excited, i’d love to hear about this, and i’d love to hear from you some let me know there’s anything you want to share about this. Blessings to you and I am so grateful for you!