Life is full of mysteries. One of them being that we have the power and the magic, to create whatever we desire in this physical realm. Yet, we have been deceived, programmed and made to be victims. Keeping us complacent and slaving away for pieces of paper.
I didn’t become an herbalist to become rich. I became an herbalist to create freedom from a medical system that I saw was not a road to healing. I have been in the healing arts and desiring to help others heal to wholeness ever since I can remember. I started watching other people’s children and babysitting when I was 10 years old. I am a nurturer. A caregiver. I love helping others remember that their bodies can heal to wholeness.
Why am I saying all of this?
I needed a reminder that the joy of this journey is by sharing our gifts, talents and being in connection to others. But I needed to separate myself from the way I was doing things online. It was feeding off of me. I could feel my energy draining away as I continued to give day in and day out on social media. The entities that can lure us in are very strong in these spaces. Sucking us in so that we are distracted, instead of living out our desires.
I have also been contemplating the “purpose” that we have all been told we have. I believe that our desires can change, evolve and often keep us stagnant or stuck. We don’t often hear about the stagnation that living our purpose can have. I realized that I continued to keep at something even though it wasn’t working. In February, I stopped doing daily Facebook lives abruptly. I had been doing them every day for 9 months. I realized it was not creating more space in my life to work on the books I desired to create, I was feeling the weight of having to give even when I was not in the mindset, and I had created a reality of clocking in everyday.
Yet the past 5 months of flown by in a sort of blur. I have worked on my books, yet not in a way that has them even close to being finished. I did 9 weekend events in those 5 months plus pumped up my inventory on my herbal medicines. I walked in my woods over my 22 acres. I camped out with my daughter down by our creek for 5 days. We added 2 rabbits, plus a short stint of raising a wild rabbit, that then got released back into the wild. We acquired 2 great Pyrenees/husky, malamute, German Shepard mix puppies. All while still raising over 35 chickens, 3 ducks, a 12 year old dog, and a 3 year old cat. It has been quite a lot of adjusting. And I ended up feeling so trapped.
And add to that over 10 weeks of barely any rain. To the point that my flower garden all died, the grass was brown and our trees were displaying autumn colors in mid July. The 2200 gallon water tank was down to 300 gallons. Drought was happening again. The garden had a handful of plants producing, but not enough to create a space for food sustainability. I was spiraling into a space of darkness and overwhelm.
Have you ever had that happen to you? Where you desire something so bad, and then when it becomes reality it is much harder than you imagined?
Travis and I have been dreaming of being sustainably off grid, living in a cob home for over 14 years. The animals are a part of having a constant source of food, in addition to the garden and wild foraging. But the transition of acquiring all of those animals was overwhelming! I felt stuck. I was drowning in an image that I had created. Then I began to think of the financial freedom that traveling gave to us. I saw that I had created a life that was impossible to pick up and leave.
I spent the time in that mindset of being stuck, life being hard and often saying, “what have I done!” For about 3 weeks. That is a long time of feeling this way for me!
I did a lot of gratitude work during that time, knowing that if I focused on what I was grateful for, rather than the overwhelm it would help shift the neuron-receptors in my brain. I then had the powerful and magical urge to start dreaming again. To go back to square one and see where I might have lost sight of my desires.
So I started thinking about key words or phrases that matter so much to me that I have to have them be a part of my life.
Sovereignty
Space of Love
Beauty
Nature as my Nature
Simplicity
Whole-Souled
Other words came in and out of my brain. I acted as if I was putting them on and wearing them. Seeing if they fit or not. Some words were too constrictive, others were too demanding. These words felt like a flowing gown when I placed them all together. I felt cloaked in a gossamer gown of love, protection and freedom. These are important aspects for me.
I need absolute freedom.
And I had created what I was imagining as a prison of responsibility and animals around me. So I looked into each of the beings around me. I could at any time fill my freezer with chickens. Rabbits make excellent stews, so I have heard. The dogs and cat could travel easy enough. I even posted one of the puppies on Facebook. I had so much immediate feedback that they could find a home, that I truly realized that I did have absolute freedom to shift and change in any moment. The ducks could easily go to a friends pond for a stint of time.
I began to breath lighter. I could feel that at any moment I could create a space of travel again, but I didn’t want that either. Traveling was very stressful, at least without a home base. But I do want to be grounded right now. I want to grow, watch the plants grow, die and rebirth each day. I love seeing the clouds, the stars, the moon, the sun from the same spot each day watching their dance across the sky. I love being right where I am. And knowing that I could shift into whatever desire I have in a matter of days or moments was liberating.
So if you are feeling stuck in your own life:
- Take a moment to take an inventory of gratitude
- Create a list of key phrases or words that have deep meaning and are an absolute must in your life.
- Look at your current situation and those words. Are they in alignment? What do you need to shed to bring those words into reality? Do you need to get rid of lots of things so that you have simplicity, beauty and a space of love rather than an overwhelming amount of stuff?
- Pinpoint exactly what elements are making you feel stuck. Create a detailed way of how to get out of all those obligations, down to the smallest detail. What things in your life could be sold, given away or shared to give you ultimate freedom? Just knowing that these things can be done makes you feel lighter.
- Create a list of gratitude for all these aspects again. Especially the things that you are getting rid of or releasing. For helping you see what was truly important in your life. For allowing you to see what was needed.
And we finally have been getting rain. Just the other day we caught 1000 gallons of water off of our roof! The drought is over, the grass is green, my flower beds have hundreds of sprouts, my garden is sprouting. It seemed as thought there was a drought in gratitude, receiving, and freedom in my life, that has been lifted by a down pouring of awareness. I am living my dream. And while I am living my dream I also get to continue to dream. Dream aspects that I never thought possible, but now know are completely within reach since I am living out my 14 year long dream as a reality!
What have you been dreaming?